Good looking, mature, widowed soprano with own home looking to meet tenor or baritone. Hair optional. Teeth optional. I have extra sets of both. No basses please. S-223 FOR SALE: Antique Uvular Restraining Harness. Teach your tenors to sing an “even-higher” high B utilizing this 19th century singing master’s invention. Can also be used to punish talkative altos. B-154 Metrosexual with passion for interior decorating and Beethoven looking to meet life partner with a rank of bishop or better. New Hampshire OK. T-334 LUSCIOUS, full-figured, Mezzo-Soprano looking to meet tenor who knows the score for an adagio to allegretto relationship full of meaningful crescendos, chain suspensions, and fermatas. Must be at least 5 foot 4. A-56 FOR SALE: Complete Edible Last Supper. All twelve disciples (made of pasta) included. “Very Good” condition — one of Andrew’s arms is broken off but can be easily repaired with a piece of macaroni and some squeeze-cheese. Perfect for that Good Friday meal. A-987 Choir
Robe Models Needed MWA seeks same for gossip and occasional lunch dates. Serious inquiries only. B-23 SWT (Baptist) is looking for the Alto-Of-My-Dreams. If you are into long walks in the park, Contemporary Christian music and puppies, I could be the one you’re looking for. Non-smokers. T-5766 KING DAVID seeks his Bathsheba for psalms, figs and a little bathing. If you like sunsets, the Proverbs and the Song of Solomon, give me a call. T-8875 AMISH CHOIR DIRECTOR SEEKS SPOUSE. If thee likes rustic living, drawing water from a well and shapeless, black dresses, thou art for me. B-2 SNAKES, SNAKES, SNAKES: Tired of that boring worship service? Give your “Children’s Moment” an extra boost by introducing them to Mark 16:18 “...They will pick up snakes with their hands...” These 12" squirmers look like rattlesnakes, but are actually Hognose Vipers with false rattles applied with surgical glue . Completely harmless! Only YOU will know the difference! One
Dozen Snakes only $39.95. MWM-NS (non-singer) seeks someone to clean house while wife is at choir practice. Serious inquiries only. B-365 ATTENTION CHOIR GROUPIES: Please do not mob the choir loft after Sunday Services. Wait until the crowds have cleared. EARN $$$$ AT HOME IN YOUR SPARE TIME selling subscriptions to "The InChoirer". Send $5 and a self addressed envelope to The InChoirer, P.O. Box 1009, Hopkinsville, KY 42241 EVE LOOKING FOR HER ADAM to share garden of delights. Tenor preferred. High Baritone OK. No snakes in the grass please. S-4887 FOR SALE: St. Lucy’s eyebrows. Kept for hundreds of years in a silver case. This is the REAL THING. Just the right gift for that relic hunter on your shopping list. Only three left! HURRY! A-1936 We don't get out much! SWM-NS Two brothers trapped in a garden of delights looking for a couple of SWFs. If we don't meet someone soon, we're liable to kill each other! B-223 Beepers for sale. Don't care for the choir anthem? Do what I do! Have yourself paged at any time during the first 10 minutes of the service. First come, first serve. B-256 To Whom It May Concern: Whoever met me in the bathroom when the lights went out at the Choir Retreat, please call. I think I love you. A-6675 Prophet In His Own Country looking for respect. Good looking tenor with lovely high B and wonderful hair looking for soprano with same. To share duets, canzonas and a light mousse. Serious inquiries only. T-0975 SWM-B-NS-M(ethodist) is seeking SWF for "Creative" experience. If you like exploding universes, long walks on the beach and starlight. give me a call. No sopranos. B-223 FOR SALE - Genesis Halloween Costume. Mostly fig leaves - some poison ivy. Used ONLY ONCE! Make an offer. B-5563 WANTED - "The Seasons" Groupie. SWM, attractive but full-figured. I'm singing in "The Seasons". If you love Franz Joseph and rainbows, call me. B-8879 FOR SALE: Leisure Suites : 42R White, Sky-Blue, Lime-Green, Canary-Yellow. Also Gold Chains, White Shoes and belt. T-778 DANSNAG looking desperately for tall, good looking bass with penchant for pick-up trucks and Bach. Serious inquiries only. No Rutter. Send picture of truck. A-754 SOLOMON LOOKING FOR HIS QUEEN OF SHEEBA. The “Song Of Songs” is my favorite book. If your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks for wine and your belly is like a heap of wheat surrounded by lillies, I’m the man for you. B-2282 CHANT-LINE: 1-800-Gregory (24 hrs. a day) I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for my husband’s debts. Donis Schweizer B.R.A. (Back Row Altos) Now accepting applications for new members. You needn’t sit on the back row to be part of this militant feminist organization. FOR SALE: The Olyhay Iblebay — Rare 18th Century Pig Latin Bible Edition. $35. S-89 SMT-NS seeks 30ish A or 2nd S. I dig C.S. Lewis, Small Group Bible Study and Amy Grant (non-secular). If your spiritual gift is from Ist Corinthians 12 or 14, give me a call. Serious inquiries only. No contraltos please. T-67 RELIC FOR SALE: The actual anklebone of St. Vitas. Left or Right, your choice. Perfect for any home or church display. B-445 FOR SALE: Rapper Bible. $20 OBO. B-9591 Professional Bass with an MD and a passion for Wagner and helmets seeks soprano with own outfit. Fully licensed and bonded. Diploma inspection available upon requests. B-2337 E-Z Sight Reading Technique: I’ll show you how. No more Wed. Night Choir Rehearsals! Stay home and enjoy yourself. Choir director approved! Only $79.95 for the complete home study course. B-1291 Good looking Tenor with pretty good high notes and great hair is seeking Soprano with same for a Brahmsian/Chopinesque relationship. Serious inquiries only. T-3552 If Ground Hog Day means as much to you as it does to me, give me a call. I’m looking for a S/D/W/WF (s or a) who likes to spend Ground Hog Eve huddling around a freshly dug burrow waiting for our furry friends to appear. Coveralls a must. T-8667 License To Use the nickname “Becky” in any choir situation. Tired of being called by your real name? Purchase this one time license, and you can be known as “Becky“ to any of your choir friends. Join the hundreds who have taken advantage of this unique nickname offer. Only $74.95. Free notarized certificate and name tag enclosed. T-2693 St. Lucy Medallion for sale. Brings good fortune to altos and other low voices. 14 ct. gold filled. Inscription on back "St. Lucy Look Down On Us." Only $24.95 (cash only). Leave in an envelope in the trash can at the corner of Main and 9th streets. B-575 |
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